Love of self and others

Love of self and love of others.

The age old 'ornery subject of the selfish society is raised nearly every day in my local newspaper.  Usually prompted by some financial crisis or business taking advantage of others,  the priests and soothsayers protesting (a little too much i think) about declining morals. 

George Pell in Sydney is often heard claiming we need religious instruction in schools otherwise children will never know morality.
Children learn morality in the schoolyard.  When their lunch money is stolen they learn it is not a good thing.  If their parents and fellow students show by example that is the case they will carry it through for the rest of their lives.

As for love and marriage,  mostly we fall out of these manufactured states because of the all too human condition of unrealistic expectations. The dreams we have as children,  often instilled and/or encouraged by our upbringing, frequently fail us.  If we are not adaptable we may build up incredibly strong resentments born of these perceived fractures in our lives.

Our job is to live as thoroughly as possible in an impossibly complicated world of projection, imagination, expectation, hope, longing beside the reality of rational thought... and that's just on my side.  Add your world and the worlds of all the people in my life and the complications are magnificently multiplied. I say magnificently, because as difficult and complicated as it usually is,  usually it is pretty magnificent...  if we can but withstand the journey.

For more help book and appointment: Go to www.choosingchange.com.au

Being the greatest perfectionist just got easy.

Perfectionism

There are two ways of viewing the perfectionist… 

Alert... you will need one large pair of spectacles.


One who aspires to having the very best in their life without compromising their sense of self and a healthy respect for their own place in the world…
one who aspires to having the very best in the world compromising their sense of self and holding the consistently unrealistic view that not attaining this perfect place deems them a complete failure with the inevitable self-loathing to boot.

It is good to aspire to reach the stars. I can think of nothing better than spending the rest of my life flying to the outer edges of the universe in order to discover the meaning of life. Quite a good chance that this ultimate goal is unachievable so I 'll make sure i have plenty of books and lots of music to listen to on the journey.

And it is the journey that is the point. It seems  that many people lose all sight of living thoroughly. I mean, living in the moment and enjoying the wonderfulness of what they already have, which may well include striving for the best. Living unrealistically is an extremely time consuming activity and only ends in unhappiness.

I'm inclined to utter the most un-counselly words like… get over it. But that is definitely not what I am saying. I am, however, going ask a very pertinent question… What does striving for the ultimate bring you? Constantly striving for perfection sounds like you are attempting to be god. And we all know who god is, don't we?!?!

For more help book and appointment: Go to www.choosingchange.com.au

Relating

Being in a relationship is exactly what it says. Relating "to" or "with" someone or some thing.  But being in relationship is not enough. The idea is to be well placed in the relationship.

A well made chair, sturdily constructed with durable covering, supporting the sitter, supporting many sitters individually and aesthetically pleasing each person to be in a great relationship with that chair.

The sitter will also respect the qualities of the chair and not jump up and down on it (like Tom Cruise did on Oprah's settee) thus destroying it's integrity.

If these qualities outlined above are not present the chair is seen as not comfortable. If we respect the chair it will serve us well for a long time.  People will not like sitting in that chair if it is uncomfotable and the the chair will not be able to support you if it is broken. .

The people in relationship can help provide a similar set of qualities designed to set the scene for a relationship that is supportive, caring, even loving perhaps; above all, consistent and enduring all manner of stresses and travails.